A Reflection of Motherhood:

An Open Letter to my Small Humans

I've loved you from the very start and more with each passing day.

Watching you learn and grow has made me a gentler, more patient human.

Your smiles and laughter melt my heart. Your compassion and kindness towards each other make me realize we are born with these traits, and that gives me hope for humanity.

Your love for life so frequently has me telling myself I wish I could freeze time, or keep my memories alive in a mason jar, preserved for later. I imagine the memories in the jar like the glow of a firefly.

Having someone to teach and knowing someone is looking up to me for their next move has made me a more thoughtful person. I think more about the things I say and do. I think in a much deeper way. I think about my impact and what I can do. I think about the future and what kind of world will be left for you.

Your existence has made me more discerning of who I let in my close circle, a character trait I’ve never had. I’ve never been one to judge, just thinking of the schtick people have on me is enough to make me not cast that stone, or at least I try to catch myself when I notice it. Every human has done things they regret. We all live with a lurch in our gut about some topics. I still don’t or try not to judge, but I keep my distance from people who treat me poorly because I want you to learn that you are worthy of love and respect, and becoming your Mother made me keenly aware that we are all born worthy of love and respect and that was meant for me too.

Your life has made me care more. I care more about the planet than I ever have.

I care more about what I put in my body than I ever have. I quit smoking. I started eating clean. I hate disposable plastic. I love re-using. I’ve grown a deeper appreciation for non-material gifts. I want to experience life, without leaving a mess for future generations to clean up. I started vegetable gardening and keeping worms so I could pass on the tradition of knowing how to grow our food. I started planting flowers to teach you about our most important species, our pollinators. The answer to happiness is not in giving less of a care, it is in giving more of a care about something beyond yourself. In caring about the planet, you do care for yourself and every species on it, and that feels amazing.

Since you came along, my life is virtually unrecognizable in the best possible way. I get to spend my days with you, adventuring, exploring, finding new perspectives, learning how to be a better human, and doing my best to teach you how to be kind to yourself and others.

On the hard days I know one day I’ll look back and it won’t be the hard days I remember. On the hard days, I take a deep breath and remind myself you’re still so little and you just need a little extra from me and that’s ok. On the hard days, I think about how even though it’s hard, my actual basic needs are met and I am incredibly fortunate for that. On the hardest days, I was praying that you’d make it home from the hospital alive, somewhere deep in my heart I knew you would, but those seven weeks in the NICU were simultaneously the hardest and most beautiful days of my life. Those days in the hospital, you taught me more about faith, hope, love, perseverance, grit, and patience better than any other thing ever, and you continue to do so to this day.

You have given me so much, just by being you, by your very existence.

I am forever grateful that I have the privilege of being your Mother, thank you.

Happy Mother’s Day!